BASTARD SYSTEM MANAGER FROM HELL #11 - What did you do at the Office Party?
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When I get round to reading my mail, I find the usual load of crap, whinges and
whines:  The Night Operator has complained that when he opened the tape safe,
the Morning Operator's body was in it, completely blocking access to the tapes. 
Terrible.  I'll have to sack the Morning Operator for that.

Oh, no!  An invite to the company Christmas party.  This means I will
have several problems to deal with: Avoid being bored to death by the Senior
Management (by arranging for one of the operators to call me when I press my
emergency panic button - which generate a "system error - immediate action
needed to prevent shutdown" message on the operator's terminal.  Five seconds
later it puts 240 volts through their chair to wake them up (yes, I've put a
resister in to avoid frying the operators - computer controlled as usual).  The
operators will then panic and call me.  I can then leave the Senior Manager and
score brownie points for dedication to duty).

The second problem is the girls from Accounts and Personnel.  It's either wear
six condoms for protection or take your shots before you give them your shot. 
If you know what I mean.  Those girls should have a government health warning. 
The previous system manager made the mistake of letting it be known he was gay. 
It didn't work, they took it as a challenge (encouraging him by dexterous use
of a cucumber).  You really don't want the details, but for $100 I can send you
a copy of the video.

The night of the Christmas party arrives.  By nine o'clock my emergency pager
has gone off six times, leaving the Evening Operator with strange looking hair
and a peculiar limp.  So far I have avoided the sirens from Accounts and only
had one near miss with one from Personnel.  She was homing in on me, when a
programmer from the BUPS section recklessly swerved through my wake and
attracted the incoming missile from my tail.  He was heading into the gents and
hence was trapped with his trousers down.  Otherwise known as a Hard Target But
Easy Kill to those danger girls.  I've even managed to avoid being vomited on
by drunken brokers.  Mind you, the third time I had to move my foot quickly so
that he could vomit on his crutch and not the point of my steel toe capped
dress shoes.

At midnight, I have to go and change all of the tapes in the video cameras
hidden around the place.  A quick preview of one of the tapes shows that the
new Day Operator was deflowered at 9:23 by Denise the Dragon from the EuroRand
desk.  A fearsome woman when she's dealing, even more fearsome when she's
hunting.  By 9:28 she has one of the CIT with his trousers round his ankles. 
If he was conscious, he might have been more enthusiastic, but our Denise
doesn't give up easily when faced with little set backs like lack of
consciousness in her lover.

Five hours after the end of the party, at midday, I have reviewed all of the
tapes, copied the relevant sections and mailed them off.  Now I can sit back
and wait for the cheques to arrive.  A few of the really good scenes I have
edited into a rather good triple-X movie, which I will sell to a rather strange
looking Dutchman, who managed to ship ten thousand copies of my last epic.  The
scene with one of the Directors and Pillow-biter Peterson from the Dealers
Truss (I mean Dealers Support Section) has been censored.  I will save that one
for my retirement fund.

So there you have it.  What did you do at the Christmas party?  And has your
cheque cleared yet?