BASTARD SYSTEM MANAGER FROM HELL #9 - The Perils of Alcohol in the Work Place.
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Well, it had to happen didn't it.  Suffice to say that I'm now in a new chair,
New company, new city, new country (believe me, I really had to go - the police
were closing in), but the same old me.

First day in I say hello to the users by rebooting the operational machines. 
Life has changed for me, I've now got a team of woefully overtrained operators
to interface direct to the users.  Training is no substitute for skill and
experience, they'll learn MY brand of efficiency.

The phone rings.  That's one minute since I rebooted the VAXes, things are
slack around here.

"Hello," says I.

"Afternoon Operator here, we have a problem with Vodka here." 

"Well drink scotch then.  At least the management will know you're drunk and
not stupid."  I put the phone down.  That should start him wondering.  The
phone rings again.

"No, I mean the VAX named Vodka,"  he begins.

"I wish you'd lay off the booze and tell me what you really mean," replies I
calmly.

"I SAID THE VAX HAS CRASHED," he shouts.  He, he, he, I love it when they shout
at me, it's like them signing their own death warrant and then cutting their
own head off.

"Well, you'd better reboot it then, hadn't you?"  says I sternly.  "And lay off
the booze down there.  I'll have alcohol detectors fitted."

"But, but, but..."

"MOVE!  The VAX is down, we're losing millions."

The Afternoon Operator drops the phone and scrambles to reboot Vodka.  I stop
to drink scotch and only one of us is happy.

Half an hour later the Afternoon Operator calls back.  

"Vodka's back on line," he reports.

"Well, put it back in the drinks cabinet and leave it until the end of your
shift." says I.

"No, no, no," he pleads, "that's not what I meant."

"Have you found the reason for the crash?" I ask.

"You mean the ANALYZE /CRASH_DUMP," he replies confidently.

"No," says I confidently, "that never gives the REAL reason.  What you need to
do is log in to the console, hit control P and then type D space PC space minus
one.  And one more thing..."

"I know," he interrupts, "I'll leave the booze alone."

I switch off the phone tap.  A small change to that tape and I'll have him
admitting to a massive alcohol problem.  And once he dumps -1 into the program
counter to reboot the operational machine twice in one day, the company will
lose millions and him.....

Never drink and operate a computer, you're bound to cause a crash.