BASTARD SYSTEM MANAGER FROM HELL #8 - The BSMFH Meets The Bastard Administrator
===================================

Apparently I made such a good impression on the Auditor, saving our bacon and
all that that H/DEE has found some budget for me to implement some of my
recommendations.  I'm short of cash, so it's training course time.  Just the
one.  It's called 'Maximising Manual Positioning For Performance On a Standard
Shelf'.  Excellent.  Why? you ask.  Because it's only run in Hawaii and lasts
three weeks I reply.

It's amazing how expensive Hawaii is.  A month after the course, I replace my
Porsche with a convertible Mercedes.  My sun tan's not yet faded and my pockets
are full of expense refunds.  I make a mistake; I put the phone back on.  It
rings.

I pick up the phone.

"Can I speak to Eric please?" asks a voice.

"Sure" say I and put the phone down.  Why should I object.

The phone rings again.  Twice in one day.  This could turn nasty.

"I mean 'can you pass me over to Eric'" he starts.

"What do you think this is?  A bloody switchboard?  Dial him yourself."  I slam
the phone down.  God help a user who phones today.  It rings again.

"...But that is his number."

"What?!" shout I.  I look around the office and discover I've a problem. 
There's a little person working at my spare desk in the corner of my office. 
MY OFFICE.  I'm sure he wasn't there when I left for my course.  This means one
thing:  I've been dumped on by the Bastard Administrator.  He's too clever to
do this whilst the BSMFH is here.  Now he thinks it's too late to do anything
and I'll just accept it. 

I drop the phone and hit F12.  This overloads the power circuit in the IBM
system managers' office and trips their circuit breaker.  It also reboots one
of my VAXes with a different TCP address.  That of one of the IBM system 
managers' terminals.  Due to the ancient oiks in IBM systems not understanding
systems security, I have now got full privilege on the IBMs.

<clickety clickety>.

H/ADMIN has now moved the Bastard Administrator out of his plush office into a
portacabin, which he'll have to share with the most boring creature known to
man.  A man called Kevin.  Two days of that should quieten the Bastard
Administrator.  Now there's an office free for Eric.

<clickety clickety>.

Nice and neat.  I reboot the VAX and stop tripping the circuit breaker in the
IBM systems office.

Two days later I meet the Bastard Administrator in the canteen.  He's already
pulled half of his hair out and has a far away look in his eyes.  I walk up
behind him and cough.

"Hhhhkevin."

He drops to his knees and starts crying.  He's still there two hours later when
the rubber gun squad arrive.  I hope the next Bastard Administrator has more
respect.


Disclaimer:

Any similarity to persons or events real is purely coincidental.  No similarity
to any person living or dead is intended. 

And if you believe that, I've a nice low mileage three wheeled, two door (both 
on the same side) car to sell you.

;-)