BASTARD SYSTEM MANAGER FROM HELL #4 - How Not To Get An Account
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I've fixed the usage stats, deleted two accounts, reduced three working sets
and five disk quotas.  A good morning's work.  I'm feeling good.  Real good.  I
may even take a call.  No, let's not push it.  I leave the phone off of the
hook and go to lunch.

Two hours and a very good steak in wild mushroom sauce later I'm feeling even
better.  I put the phone back on the hook.

The bloody thing seems to sense me putting it back and rings.

"Hello," my usual opening gambit.

"About time.  I've been calling you all day."

It's lucky I'm in a good mood.

"It's about my request two weeks ago for a username for my new programmer."

"Who's speaking please?" I ask, out of habit.

He tells me.  Boy, is he lucky I'm in a good mood.

"Oh yes, I haven't done it yet," I reply calmly.

Normally  it takes six months of bribery to get an account on my system. 
Still, he's young, he'll learn.

"What?" he answers angrily, "I needed that account last week."

"Sorry about that," I answer.  Full of sympathy me.  "Pressure of work and all
that.  I'm sure I'll be able to do it soon.  It's for the EASI project isn't
it?"

"Of course, you idiot!"

Oh, deary me.  Flashing lights and warning sirens.  First he gives me his name,
then he insults me.  He must be wearing a sign saying 'Kick me harder!'

"I didn't see the rush," I begin coldly, "especially after you sent me that
note asking me to delete all of the project files.  <clickety, clickety>.  Which
of course I did.  <clickety, clickety>."

"But I didn't ..." he trails off.  He knows the score now.

"But you did call me an idiot,"  I reply serenely.  Deleting users files
always has this effect on me.

"But..." he mumbles, fear in his voice, "I didn't mean it.  Please..."

Too late.  It'd ruin my reputation to show mercy now.  Not now I've got his
username.

"I wondered why all of the files were marked nobackup, but that's your
business.  I'll just mention it when I forward your note to your project
manager.  <clickety, clickety>.  I'm sure he'll like a word with you soon."

I hear the other phone ring in this luser's office.  I can smell the terror as
he drops my line to answer the other phone.

I hate project leaders who think their project is the only one that matters.

I wonder if he'll ask for a reference?